As is the practice, you could always tell a Nigerian wedding is coming up weeks before the day. WhatsApp groups will spring up on you without notice, tailors would suddenly become impossible to reach while rolls of lace and Ankara would change in prices just because an “Aso-Ebi is out”.

For decades, Nigerians weddings have been communal affairs. Loud, colorful, emotional and unapologetically big. They are not just about two people choosing themselves, they are more about families introducing themselves, communities gathering and cultures proudly showcasing themselves. Weddings in Nigeria became hosting the world.

Overtime, weddings have become louder, bigger and more competitive. Guests dressed to outshine the couples being celebrated. Families deliberately trying to outshine one another.

Couples?  They smile through exhaustion while bills quietly await as they have had to spend beyond their means and affordability, because to many, weddings are not meant to be small.

Quietly, steadily, Nigerian weddings are shifting to become about the fanfare, and not the union. Traditionally, Nigerian weddings, especially in the South, are designed with one goal in mind: inclusion. The more people you invited, the more successful the celebration appeared. This simple foundation has snowballed into carnivals of great financial implications.

Event centers have become expensive. Chairs now spill onto the streets. Large pots of different foods – jollof rice, amala with abula, pounded yam with different native soups – simmer from dawn. Different plates of intercontinental dishes, as well as small-chops and appetizers are on the roll call at events.

The unannounced shift did not come with fanfare. There was no collective decision, it crept in through desire for social validation, all resulting to fatigue.

Intimate Vows, Deeper Moments

In the midst of these jamborees, some young intending couples have chosen to ask uncomfortable questions. Does a wedding really need thousands of guests? Does love require borrowed money?  Does marriage have to begin with debt?

Economic difficulties is playing its part in jerking some young persons back to reality. But beyond money, values are shifting, as many couples want meaning over show; they want presence and not performance.

And so, intimate weddings have begun to reappear quietly with small ceremonies, close friends, family only, and sometimes no Aso-Ebi at all. Recently, the practice for people who prefer comfort over pressure is: No live band, sometimes no spraying, just vows, food, laughter, and a sense of calm rarely associated with Nigerian weddings.

At these quieter weddings, something else happens. The couple is present.

They are not just rushing between tables or posing endlessly for cameras. They sit, they listen, they speak and breathe. Guests actually hear the vows and parents shed unguarded tears.

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These weddings may lack the noise of talking drums or the drama of coordinated outfits, but they offer something else, emotional clarity.

Holding Tradition Without Being Held Hostage

For many couples, this intimacy is not rebellion against culture, but a re-interpretation of it. After all, tradition was meant to serve people, not suffocate them.

Importantly, this shift does not mean Nigerian weddings are abandoning tradition, but it means that they are reshaping it.

Some couples still honour cultural rites but tune down the guest list. Others keep Aso-Ebi but simplify the reception. Many blend the old and the new, traditional engagement one day, quiet white wedding the next. Some blend all the ceremonies into one day, but brace themselves up for the stress that comes with it. The idea is balance.

A wedding can still reflect heritage without becoming a financial burden. It can celebrate community without losing intimacy. It can be joyful without being overwhelming.

In many ways, Nigerian weddings have become mirrors of the society itself, a place where tradition and modern reality negotiate daily.

The rise of intimate weddings shows that a new generation is choosing intention over impression. That love no longer needs noise to be valid. That marriage is being reclaimed from display and returned to commitment.

For each person, there is what works for them. Have a loud wedding if you can afford it, a minimalistic one if you cannot afford one. If you cannot afford a loud or minimalistic wedding, an intimate vow is a very good idea. What would be foolish is cutting one’s cloth according to someone else’s size rather than what one can fit in.

There will always be loud weddings in Nigeria. Celebration is in our DNA. But now, there is room for quiet joy too.

From Aso-Ebi to intimate vows, the Nigerian wedding is evolving, not losing its soul, but learning to breathe. And maybe in the end, that is the most beautiful transformation of all.

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